Master of Orion 3 quote

Perusing, I found this on reddit as a response to a user asking “why should I hate Master of Orion 3” and it made me… well, read it yourself:


it pretty much breaks down like this:
imagine that you love bacon. bear with me and suppose that you also love cheeseburgers. perhaps they are even your two favorite foods. now, imagine that you open a menu at a restaurant one day and are for the first time ever presented with the prospect of a bacon cheeseburger. in a highly elated state, you place an order for one and steel yourself against your barely manageable level of anticipation. you are quite possibly looking forward to this bacon cheeseburger more than any other meal of your life up to this point.
(i have to pick up the pace here, because the stunning accuracy of this analogy is forcing me to revisit feelings that, i swear this is true, i do not want to consider even so far as to continue describing them).
your bacon cheeseburger… takes four years to arrive. your server, however, pays you frequent visits to assure you that the burger is not only succulent and delicious, but that the chef has already finished preparing it and the only reason that it is not already in your hands being devoured is that it has been detained by the outpouring of praise and admiration being showered upon it by the kitchen and wait staff in the back of the restaurant, slowing the plate’s progress to your table.
but it’s (seemingly) ok: your bacon cheeseburger finally arrives. the wait has been nearly unbearable. in a haze of anticipation, joy and relief that threaten to impair basic cognition, you whisk the bacon cheeseburger off of your plate and take a ferocious bite-
-into an actual, physical piece of shit, -fecal matter-, sandwiched between two hamburger buns. there is no bacon. there is no cheese. it is disputable as to whether this can even legally be described as a “burger.”
a piece. of. shit.
it doesn’t matter who the fuck you are, or whatsoever, at this point, your experiences with or opinion of bacon or cheeseburgers are. there is no reason whatsoever to think that anybody, under any circumstances, would ever, EVER want this piece of shit sandwich.
in fact, the global repercussions are so disastrous that every single article of bacon or cheeseburger, in any format, cease to be prepared or sold anywhere in the world ever again. nobody will ever even approach the shame and awesome disgust associated with the bacon cheeseburger ever again.
try as you might, no matter what you eat or drink or pray to, you can never remove the shit taste from your mouth. or your soul. ever.
THAT, good sir, is what is wrong with Master of Orion 3.
it is literally Hitler.


One thought on “Master of Orion 3 quote”

  1. The good news is that it has put in you the ability to write such an epic explanation. Best. Turd. Analogy. Ever.

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