Star Wars Machete Order

A great article on what order to watch the Star Wars series (or show it to your kids while you do something… ANYTHING else).  Notable is that it completely cuts out episode 1.  While I have little to no interest in seeing the prequels ever again, the author does note that this order makes Jedi a better film.

I’m shocked at how much exposure the kids these days get to Star Wars.  It’s absolutely everywhere and the only explanation I can think of is total media blitz all the time.  The last of the films came out in 2005– seven years ago.   If I think about 1991, seven years after Return of The Jedi, while not totally forgotten, it’s not like it was top of mind.  Now– it’s fucking EVERYWHERE.

Diablo 3: what in gods name is the witchdoctor doing in the game?

I’m in the D3 beta.  It’s great.  My fears about how the game plays have been completely allayed.  The monster hit lag is unfortunate, but not a ruiner.  The real money auction house is delaying the game’s release, but that’s OK too.  It should have no effect on players that choose not to use it and you can probably play through the game without even noticing the crafting parts and just pick up any items dropped on the ground FTW, let alone actually using the auction house.  The character models aren’t that great, but the monsters look awesome (monsters don’t have a billion combinations of armor and weapons so it follows that there’s a lot more leeway with their design).  However, the Witch doctor’s inclusion has me befuddled.

I liked the other black characters in Diablo 1 and 2.  The magic user in the first game fit really well when he could have been just some generic pointy-hatted gandalf clone with a stupid beard, or some naked woman that said stupid stuff all the time.  The paladin in D2 was another non-northern european character that was believable and fit in well.  That said, I just don’t know where Blizzard is coming from with the Witch doctor.  Essentially, the Witch doctor replaces the Necromancer from D2– he has many of the same powers and is the core choice for a person that wants to use a summoning character–so system wise, he’s important, but as fluff and the character model itself  he is WAY out of place. Here are my issues in order of magnitude:

3) Aesthetically, the witchdoctor is a hunched over, quivering creature with some sort of strange shaking fit that happens to one of his arms. He himself looks like one of the creatures you will be fighting more than any of the other characters.

2) The setting for the Beta is in a very northern european looking region (Tristram); all the voices are some odd mix of  welsh, scottish, irish and english thrown together in some sort of midlands pond scum. Given that you are in a remote village that had been plagued by demons and undead before, it’s difficult to imagine some creature looking as odd as the witchdoctor (almost naked as he is starting out) would be killed outright– let alone being let INSIDE the village

1) Given that said village is under attack at the outset of the game by waves of zombies and the witchdoctor himself raises zombies as one of his first powers in the  game, it’s equally strange that a person like him, wearing a demon mask and raising zombies, would be allowed anywhere near the INSIDE of the village and almost certainly would simply be killed outright.  Of course, since the dialog options are all the same for each character, the NPC’s accept the witchdoctor the same as if he were the barbarian or demon hunter, which makes the doctor’s instant acceptance after killing just a handful of zombies feel like a giant shoehorn sticking out of Diablo’s bright red arse.

I originally thought the Monk would stick out like a sore thumb in the game, just like he did in the (non-Blizzard) expansion to Diablo 1 back in the day, but the witchdoctor is a big carbuncle right on the face in comparison.  I realize not all of D3 will happen in fantasy Northern Europe land and the witch doctor won’t look quite as ridiculous but as it stands, it’s a very strange choice for a character.

Summing up the goal of the new D&D

While having no plans to play the game, I still love peeking at the unfolding drama of the in-the-works ‘internet influenced’ version of D&D and seeing the 4th edition books hit the used-book store shelves in droves (you WILL be nostalgic for this edition I tell you).

The man behind Avadon the Black Fortess and the Geneforge series summed what should be the goal for the design up brilliantly:

If a new edition of Dungeons & Dragons doesn’t have an option which enables it to be easily played by a moderately inebriated person who isn’t good at math, it is a failure.”

I would go as far as removing the “doesn’t have an option which enables it to be”  and replacing it with  “isn’t,” because shit, I recently ran a FATE game where at least two of the players were barely coherent due to drink and it worked, while not 100% fine, very well; and I’ve run epic-combat heavy sessions of Exalted when players were absolutely OBLITERATED and they were fantastic.   Unless you’re playing some vampire-erotic or MAGE or something awful like Twilight 2000 where you have to concentrate a lot all the time, you must expect players to drink heavily when playing an RPG– and not the SURGE and DEW of our youth.  Being a player in an RPG, allows a lot of downtime during sessions– you’re not always doing stuff– and between doing stuff it’s perfectly understandable that drinking is happening; sometimes a lot.

That said, I think this internet edition, like the other versions since 2nd, are going to be about using miniatures on the table like Descent and not really an RPG proper.  We rarely, if ever, used miniatures in our D&D games as kids and when I want to play with miniatures, I’ll play Warhammer or AT-43, and if I want to roleplay it’s just going to be a drawing on a dry erase board with no hexes, squares or any other crap to detract from the imaginings.  Combat in RPG’s is just better when the distraction of little pieces of lead (well, now plastic) aren’t around.

SSX looking Sex, but can it make up for a NOSNOW winter?

We’ve had a mild, pleasant, Spring-like Winter this year in the midwest… and it’s fucking SUCKED!  I’ve been snowboarding only twice and both times it was an ICE SHEET at the top of the hill and a crappy draw at the bottom.   As soon as new snow is made, it either melts, adding to the ice sheet, or gets blasted away by eager beavers from the morning sessions (understandably).  I’ve really never seen conditions this bad.

Given that infinite sadness of a wasted winter where the meely brown grass mushes underfoot instead of two feet of snow, SSX, an infamous snowboarding game on the Xbox, is making it’s re-debut on the 360– and the demo is looking to hit next week.   I for one, out of simple dismay at Old Man Winter’s feeble offerings this year, getting it immediately.

Here’s a video to gaze at what snow COULD be like if Winter wasn’t such an awful asshole (and of course if the laws of gravity were different on planet earth)

Mangumific

Hipster cyclone that it was, the little hats and funny vests and fast hair everywhere couldn’t spoil the holy shit that was awesome of Jeff Magnum’s return to touring. Though it was the 1998 music set all over again, this time without the band (except for a couple people that joined in on a few songs), I was just awed at how much presence, sound and skill the man has with only a guitar and his voice. Hopefully the man will tour some more in the coming years and if so, it’s not to be missed.

The space piss is a golden, shimmering stream!

I am not a space kitty

I use the phrase “a cascade of space piss direct into [my/your/their] mouth” quite lavishly when describing just about every post-Master of Orion 2 4x space strategy game.   The phrase comes from an advertisement back in the day for Emperor of the Fading Suns that included the phrase “and urinate on them from a great height” which many, many 4x space strategy games have tried to do to ME ever since.

While computer games usually get this moniker applied by default (Sword of the Stars, Mankind, Master of Orion 3, etc.) I’ve especially used it in discourse regarding Twilight Imperium 3rd edition– a game I maintain a love/hate relationship with after getting it with a Barnes and Noble gift card, then selling it off, then buying it again for 20$ at a game swap and picking up the expansion against my better judgement.  I’ve played the third edition five times if I can remember right, and each time was fraught with disappointment proportional to the excitement around finally getting people to agree to play it. Twilight Imperium 3rd edition is a game that really should have been awesome (despite the space kitties)– coming from a publisher and designer of some of the best board games out there.   I was on the fence for many years there hoping that it would be good with more plays — but after playing Eclipse last night, there is no escape from the conclusion:  Twilight Imperium 3rd edition is a message to us earthlings of piss from space.

Eclipse, while superficially similar to Twilight Imperium in that it’s 4x, in space and uses hexes, is a game by some Finnish dude that was the rage at Essen and has rocketed, and I mean rocketed, to the top of the charts on Boardgamegeek.com (at position 7 last I checked)– not an easy task when amazing games like Princes of the Renaissance and Cosmic Encounter hover in the 80’s.  It’s essentially a combined area-control and worker placement game that looks a great deal like the random hex fighting strategy games (initially Kings and Things, then TI, Nexus Ops, Ventura and now Eclipse) that we know and love–and while Nexus Ops is the absolute KING of the Ameritrash style of this type of hex game, Eclipse takes the Euro crown.  Twilight Imperium adds a layer of (bullshit) role selection stolen from Puerto Rico on top of 2nd edition’s Ameritrash base– Eclipse was designed, ground up, to be a Euro game, and has a great deal more in common with Agricola than Nexus Ops.  And while all these Euro boardgamegeek snobs love it and hump it’s leg, not even my Ameritrash-centric brain can deny myself drinking vats of the Eclipse space piss after just my first play because someone came over the ridge with a giant fleet and DESTROYED ALL MY SHIT.  There’s nothing more ameritrash than that, and it’s glorious.

In similar space game news, the new Cosmic Encounter expansion: Cosmic Alliance is closing in on release shooting out all over the planet.  FF has published the rules and another preview so the time is nigh for it to hit the shelves.  After a perusal of the rules, there’s not much new there but 20 new aliens and an 8th player(!).  That brings the total number of aliens into the stratosphere– not quite to the Mayfair version level, but getting close.  A lot of the Mayfair aliens could only be used with Lucre, the worst addition to the game that hopefully we’ll never see in the FF edition.

Diablo 3 beta ruminations, and big update to Torchlight 2’s site

Someday, Torchlight 2 will come out and there will be the big dust up between Diablo 3 and Torchlight 2, during which we will all likely find that the mod-friendly, played-on-your-actual-computer Torchlight 2 will be a better experience long term, despite some of Diablo 3’s absolute awesomeness sprinkled around, but for now all we got is a new TL2 website.   However, there is new art all over the place for the classes on the TL2 site, so check it out.

Now, I’ve spanned two nights in the Diablo 3 beta finishing the hour and a half of gameplay twice, once with the Monk and once with the Demon Hunter (both Co-op with baurice!mastard).  While there is the hit lag still noted by maurice!bastard a month or so ago on youtube, and the lag is absolutely awful at times–lagging when you NEED IT NOT TO LAG MOST, much of the game itself is just great and a few set pieces in the beta areas are flat out awesome.  The swarming undead at a couple points is the game I most want to play, that and have some decent item management fun with crafting.  Aesthetically: D3 is top notch.

Here is an hour and thirty minutes of play from my first night into the fray with the mastard: