NMS Night 1: Impossible Expectations

no man’s sky on PS4 has no install. wtf. no install. after playing so many games on ps4 and getting used to a 10-15min install process, NMS has no install. that was the first signal that there was no MEAT in NMS. SURE the game is procedural so you’d expect the game to be lean, but ZERO install? red flag. a 1GB patch did install, so i’m gaming on v1.03 of NMS. there was no manual in the game case. fuckthat for 60$ plus tax i want a unless manual! hello games is making hand over fist moneyhats i guess. i mean 10 people studio, sounds like they stayed independant, didn’t take dev money from SONY, so like let’s say hello games is getting like 20$ per copy sold for NMS. i bet they sold at least 500k copies, which is like 10 million bucks. or a million a person for 3+ years work on the low side. what does that matter? if you charge full price for  game you need to give the player full price trimmings. this is what will come out in the press and with fans over and over, is NMS worth the full $60 price. after 3 hours last night i’d say for most players NMS is overpriced.

IMG_2966it’s a survival/exploration game. that should be said by the developer over and fucking over. that is what the game is. there are other games that do the same thing but don’t hide behind the whole “infinite universe” shit. from 3 hours of play i’m already seeing how in this “infinite” sandbox the similarities between locations (planets/moons) will be rather HIGH. that is disappointing if not expected. their procedural content generation technique is NOT designed new types of basic animal locomotion for example, no it is just using basic models like two-legged creature, four-legged creature, ooooh and yep you guessed it six-legged creature.  and these creatures, what the fuck do they do, NOTHING. shit they don’t eat, shit, attach each other, mate, etc. they just are there, 3-4 at at time as background. ya sometimes they are hostile to you and you have to beat them back which feels like SHIT. the FPS combat on planets feels like shit and then you are shooting some little crab thing and it feels like stupid shit. you’ll never see TRULY fantastics creatures, like that monster from The Thing, Falor from The Neverending Story, Alien(s) from the Alien series, etc. the devs didn’t have the resources to create really fantastical types of creatures, nor the time / processing power to properly animate them and breath life into them with interesting AI. OF COURSE I’VE ONLY PLAYED 3 HOURS SO WTF DO I KNOW BUT THIS IS MY BOLD PREDICKTION. the creatures in the game will be super fucking boring and hollow.

IMG_2967survival from the very start! little to no tutorial showing what you should try to do. this is a strength because you a freaked out about how to even survive right out the gate. i have not died yet, but many people have immediately and talked about that experience online. that is excellent.

no one told me that killing plants/animals was “bad” with some shitty little tutorial messages. you find out that when you kill shit causing omnipresent sentinels to come and investigate with little scanner bots, if you keep killing shit while sentinels scanner bots are watching you, the bots start attacking thus a cycle of escalation like getting stars in grand theft auto begins. okay that is fine and works to add more consequence to your actions. you can’t just fucking kill everything you see without getting fucked by the the robot guys. okay fine. you find that out yourself while playing. perfect.

far as i could tell right away are tasked with repairing your ship, which requires collecting elements(iron, plutonium etc). you can mine shit with laser gun omnitool thing. that is fine. you can send out a scan pulse to find the shit you can mine. okay that is fine. the graphics of the planet you start on feel okay, they feel kinda low budget/procedural in nature.

SOUND, very meh. the music is okay but nothing in the ambient sounds of the planet i was on made it seem very alien.

the weather was clear and cold i think. you have to manage a resource which is your spacesuits power to shield you from either extreme cold or extreme heat. if the environment shield goes to zero, you start taking damage i imagine. i never let it go all the way down to find out though. charging your heat/cold shield takes the yellow elements.

TAKING DAMAGE. yes you take damage from being attacked and also just walking around over time, and you fix that game by consuming RED resources, which are elements like Carbon which you get by mining planets or killing animals. BUT you can also use a element like plutonium to heal yourself i think because it is red. i think, can’t really remember but there seems to be some leeway in what you can use to “heal” your character guy.

IMG_2968i think there is a combat shield or something, but i’m not sure really. something that sops up the first couple hits before they start doing real damage, but i’m not sure because there wasn’t a tutorial to explain and the game comes with no fucking manual.

you can’t just press one button on the controller to heal, you have to open a menu, click on which thing to repair(heal), which opens another menu and choose which element/item you are going to use. this is difficult to do when you are running away from something or being attacked as you still stop dead in your tracks to process this action. THAT IS FINE it adds tension and causes you to make sure your shit is fixed up nice before you try to explore something that might be dangerous.

IMG_2965you can name stuff you discover. other players will someday share the joy when they visit worlds you’ve pissed all over with words.

 

No Man’s Sky: TITS or GTFO

gaymers everywhere have wanted the top to come off No Man’s Sky ever since the game was teased back in 2013 at the VGX extended night of game commercials and press jacking off ‘awards’. a PERFECT tease. have you experienced a perfect tease before? something that gets your cock/clit hard as steel? that feeling of INTENSE anticipation? YEP that feeling is what happened all the fucking way back in 2013 for me and many other gamers for No Man’s Sky. fuck i bought a PS4 because for a time it was suggested that Sony had scooped up NMS as a exclusive for the console, though originally it was going to be PC, or some shit but then it was going to be PS4 first then at some later time PC, fuckitall now it’s on PS4 3 days before the PC release. i digress, NMS launches TOFUCKINGMORROW.

spacebabe7okay, you don’t give 3 fucks about NMS because as you keep telling everyone, based on the trailers of the game you’ve seen NMS looks like a fucking boring gayme. that’s fine, stick to your CoD or macho Dark Souls masturbations, you’re not part of the target audience. trolling rock hard NMS fans is easy as slapping a child for making too much direct eye contact with the disabled.

spacebabe3NMS does not appear to be the work of jesus or peter molonyx. thankfully on the later. the devs of NMS have offered details about the game in a mostly restrained fashion, never over promising about the reality of what you can do in the game. the devs have hinted at things without spoiling what could prove to be a fun learn as you go exploration situation. the devs of NMS hinted that the game world of NMS is large (procedural generated galaxy or universe) but never did they say horse shit crazy stuff like pete molonyx is notorious for(and always failing to deliver). thank you devs of NMS, i think you should be honored for not overhyping your product. the fans are doing all that shit for you as they will/should.

spacebabe5a “big” game made by like 12 or so people, hyped to the MOON by fans. NMS releases tomorrow and i will give some daily reports on what the game is like. i will let you know from my hands on impressions from playing 2-3 hours night, how a middle aged married man with child plays games.

spacebabe2OH, fuck i almost forgot, the devs to my knowledge have said ZERO about DLC for No Man’s Sky. how? is it because they will offer that shit at a later date? the devs have said they plan on bringing more content and features, though they said it in a way so that one thinks it will be at no additional cost. hurray for that if that turns out to be the case. perhaps Sony will be paying them to keep players buying PS4s to play the game. who knows. a game coming out in today’s DLC assraping market which has no day one DLC announcements is a fucking winner.

spacebabe6don’t think you can customize the sex of your character in the No Man’s Sky. shit. who knows for sure.

Genconnery 2016

we are at the last real day of the con, Sunday being mop up and all that.  It’s crowded as fuck, with long lines and smells and bumping into huge backpacks.  We are staying at the Alexander which is a hike from the con, but real shi shi and has tons of room for gaming.  I made the mistake of getting new shoes before the con and my feet are fucked with blisters– so bad I have to wear flip flops for likely a week!

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We got in a great Runequest game with a Roman legion in pre colonization North America.  I got to play the Others for a bit (should be at my house today!) and picked up Bloodborne the card game which plays ok.  Otherwise I haven’t bought much stuff, instead we’ve been eating like kings of the earth.

I ran my Lamentations of the flame princess event yesterday and it was good.  I had only one player who was pretty much half asleep the whole time who did manage to wake up and free Calcidus the bad wizard from his salt circle.  He then left the game shortly after as the other players then had to clean up that mess which nearly ended in a TPK.

We played LotFP later that day with steve, but that deserves its own write up.

Gencon Tomorrow! Blood Rage tonight!

Tomorrow begins the madness that is Gencon, the crush of the crowds, the heated toilet seats, the Fantasy Flight and CMON booth lines, the selling of THE OTHERS to people that didn’t kickstart it while those of us that did have to fucking WAIT FOR IT in the mails, the signs that tell people politely to PLEASE SHOWER DURING THE CON and finally, those that such signs were written for walking around in a thick crowd stinking up the entire vendor area.  Some of the people you can smell a certain smell from the front (jungle rot?), and a different smell from the back (rectal sauces?).

I’m not in a lot of games this year, it being impossible to get into an event with friends due to the player to game ratio these days, but I am running one session of Lamentations of the Flame Princess, so we’ll see how that shit goes with fucking strangers.  I’m hoping for some non-insane people. That’s all I ask.  The game I got in to play was Mythras (runequest) Classic Fantasy which is the RQ take on the Old School D&D genre. Really looking forward to that.

Otherwise I have to say, after going to Gencon for at least 22 years straight now, I’m thinking I may take a break after this year and rely on some local cons for the gaming.

Stuff I really like to do though:

  • Go through Warhammer bits boxes that these guys bring. Epic, Blood Bowl, WFB– so much good stuff…
  • Talk to the Dungeon Crawl Classics guys. People put a lot of onus on LotFP, but DCC is the other “leg” of the OSR, one that puts out great shit consistently.
  • Get drunk at the ram
  • Taking pictures of strange looking people– and they keep getting stranger and stranger both in costumes and people you think are in costumes, but aren’t. Granted when I started going as a wee lad it was all bearded fat guys hunched over hexboards.

Tonight though BLOOD RAGE!

bloodragestuffs

Legacy Diablo 3 article

This has been long gone off the internet, but I wanted to keep it for posterity because it is a poignant run down of the failed design of Diablo 3 and its crippling interaction with the Real Money Auction House.  The article is a great nostalgic read and a grim reminder of how far a license can fall when in the hands of the wrong company, the wrong developers and the wrong game designers.

A lot of the problems this guy notes I never experienced, I wasn’t even able to get through act 1 before quitting.  Things have changed for Diablo 3 from what I hear since the above was written, but my issues with the game had little to do with the RMAH in the first place, rather the core ARPG gameplay itself, which is not good and the core character models, which are silly looking and all run funny. I’ve always thought of doing a review, but Diablo 3 is one of those special games that is so bad it’s not worth reviewing.  It gets the patented: unplayable/unreviewable rating a la the Onion.  unsatisfying-4

New Fantasy Flight GOT game based on Cosmic Encounter

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The current big Fantasy Flight Game of Thrones board game is just OK, definitely not my favorite area control/war game engine.  It could and should have just been a direct heir to Avalon Hill’s Dune board game with the dials and treachery cards,  unfortunately, FF wasted that on their derivative space kitty sci fi setting with Rex, complaining the whole time that they couldn’t get the Dune license to remake the classic while to GOT one was right there!

I suspected the new GOT board game may be that Dune remake we’ve been waiting for, but it looks just like Cosmic Encounter, which is not a bad thing since Cosmic is the best board game ever made.  Should be out by end of the year, and may have a demo at gencon.

More info here.

 

Courage Mongoloid! Part 2.

It’s been 2 years since our last HORROR ON THE HILL session with the famed Ashtel Lumberton, Snachus Maximus 2, Nerdlinger and Tor Horst (and Ulug and Glug the Mongoloids).  So I bring you, in as little detail as possible to not put you immediately to sleep, part 2 of our sad story of murder, robbery and death.

Mongolioids! have courage!
Mongolioids! have courage!

I want to preface this with the following few statements.  Old School D20 games are not great for combat, focused more on getting through combats fairly quickly and having MORE rather than having few, but meaningful combats (like, say, Runequest) and yet, many of the old school modules involved nearly only combat throughout.    Things have changed since 1981, and while the occurrence and ability in combat is still an important thing in OSR games, in most systems, fighting a lot means you are doing very, very badly and your party is likely to get wiped out.  In many cases in the description of play below, the only way through certain obstacles is to fight through.  This module began to feel like playing Advanced Heroquest and that’s because that’s what it is.  So this is not indicative of what a normal Lamentations of the Flame Princess adventure is like- if indeed there is such a thing.

In addition, unlike 4E, 5E and 13th Age, there is no concept of short or long rests, recoveries or anything like that in LotFP or Labyrinth Lord. Any time heavy damage is dealt to characters, and especially with the brutal healing rules in Lamentations of the Flame Princess, it requires multiple, multiple-week trips back to town to recover from injuries rather than fighting onward deeper into the dungeon.  Remember, unless the characters find a polder, they cannot rest in the dungeon at all.   Since the play is so brutal (most players had multiple characters die), play is naturally conservative, so even the M-U being out of spells may require a trip back to town.  This seemed to frustrate the GM, but what choice do the players have really?  13th Age and 5E added recoveries and rests in to keep it in the dungeon and not back at the tavern after every fight.

Lastly, we were not high enough level for this adventure, and it became painfully obvious!  Now let’s go!

PC’s

  • Snachus Maximus 2: Fighter level 2
  • Ashtel Lumberton: MU (with sleep) level 2
  • Tor Horst: Fighter level 2
  • Nerdlinger: Cleric (bless most of the time) level 1
  • Mcunty Ruffbottom (not his real name): Fighter level 1

NPC’s

  • Lars: linkboy
  • Colon Defiltch: rescued thief
  • Grul and Uleg: rescued Mongoloids
  • Ashtel’s dog (the last one remaining from last session)

Another VERY fighter heavy group, with no Specialists of any kind, we were bound to have problems.  Clerics at level 1 are nearly useless, and MU’s can be based on their random spells.

This was about the third time we hit this dungeon, and it got restocked repeatedly.   Exploring slightly beyond the areas we’d been in before, we found a pile of human bodies with some gibberish hobgoblin words of warning written in blood.  Shortly after a fight with two Bugbears ensued.  Ulug, bravely, took the brunt of the attacks and went down and out before the bugbears were disposed of.  Tor Horst broke his axe.

This took Ulug and Grul out of the story a bit as Grul dragged the limp body of Ulug back to his people.

After a fortuitous secret door check, we found what I feel is one of the most terrible magical items in D&D: the invisibility ring.  The cleric grabbed it and put it on.  Since we didn’t have a specialist and he was level one, no one minded much, but if you want a character to take center stage and do everything, give the adventurers an invisibility ring with no drawbacks at all to use.   It’s pretty much a “I’ll survive the adventure no matter what” card.

After a fight with some glowing birds (?!), we were on to the final fight of this level with the Hobgoblin King, or so we thought.  Using the invisibility, we were able to draw out a barracks of hobgoblins into a fork in the passageway and a massive fight ensued.  Colin the thief was decapitated, Ashtel’s dog was also nearly killed and Snatchus Maximus 2 was dropped to zero HP before Sleep was cast to end the encounter.  We opted not to go on to the now more vulnerable Hobgoblin king fight, instead running back to town to heal– for five full days.

This caused some GM frustration who wanted to get to the next part of the dungeon (it being 2 years and all in the same area).  Given the number of fights this module presents (pretty much constant fighting) you can see why recoveries, short rests and long rests made it into the D&D’s design with 4th Edition and beyond, to try to keep players in the dungeon!  Lamentations has no such niceties, so if you are going to fight fight fight, best to be running multiple characters.

trampier-bugbear

After the rest up, we were back in the dungeon ready to face the Hobgoblin King, who, for simplicity sake, looks like he just waited in his throne room for us.  Rather than rush in and fight, or sneak in and fight, we challenged the Hobking to a duel, which he accepted readily.  He was to fight the first level character: McCunty Ruffbottom.  The plan was that McCunty was to fire off his brace of pistols, then we would all rush in, cast sleep, and start killing hobgoblins in earnest.  Since the barracks was all cleaned out, there weren’t that many left anyway.

The plan didn’t work out too well. Mcunty did fire his pistols, but missed and was struck down by the Hobgoblin King forever. While the multiple sleep spells from Ashtel helped cut the hobgoblin numbers down, that couldn’t save poor Grul, the last of the Mongoloids, nor Ashtel’s “lumberdog” who was crushed underfoot by the Hobgoblin king. Eventually, the 20 AC fighters wore down the King and he was eventually dispatched.

That wasn’t the end to the killing, as another well found secret door revealed a couple of trapped chests, and Tor Horst failed his saving throw vs poison and instantly died.

The treasure was bountiful, and since we had a Portable Hole at this point (as well as the invisible ring) it was off to town to collect experience for the three survivors: Nerdlinger, Ashtel Lumberton and Snatchus Maximus.

Stay tuned for part three! Where more characters die and there aren’t any mongoloids…

The OTHERs will eventually come

After a pretty long wait, backers got an email from CMON about the OTHERS, which is a game by the design team that brought you such games as BLOOD RAGE (my pick for 2015’s best board game by FAR).  It’s a big game with a lot of miniatures as is CMON’s purview.  It’s been a bit late, but like Blood Rage, not terribly so.   The game is apparently on the boats from the China manufacturers as we sit here.  With Blood Rage, I actually TRACKED the boats coming in as I was peeved that I did not pick up a second copy at GENCON and had to wait months to actually play it.  I was overly excited and Blood Rage, as many of you know because I’ve made nearly everyone play it, was worth the wait.

The Others I just can’t tell yet how great it will be, but fuck…while I was amazed at the Blood Rage kickstarter and vast amount of stuff you get– the OTHERS is ridiculous.  I couldn’t afford to get all the add ons either.  And where would I put them? The boxes do look great though…

TheOthersteams
The (addon) good guys.

I’m a huge sucker for Adrian Smith’s art.   Look at that shit!

The bad guys
The bad guys

Summer Vacation 2016

I spent part of the day looking for BLACK PAINT.  The GW store was closed, and none of the other gaming stores had it in stock. I’m not even looking for Vallejo game color here and even would have settled for P3 black which I’m sketchy about until I’ve tried it.  There was no black paint anywhere at all.  I guess there was some new game out and people in the area are painting.  A LOT.  I should have called first right? Fuck…

I had four Legends of the Old west guys to finish up and I almost did until my Vallejo BUFF exploded (my fault, as I squeezed the tube too hard) across the backs of two of them.  No terrible damage, but they had to be rinsed off with water which ruined the sand/PVA glue bases and touched up.   It was one of those moments that I’ve had before where you just want to throw in the towel and quit painting for a time, but unfortunately this can last YEARS.   I pushed through and the other two are done and the splatted cowboys are all touched up just waiting for the bases to be finished.   I dropped a miniature and chipped the paint a few years back and quit painting for a year or so after that.  Fixing would have taken about 30 minutes of work, but I was EMOTIONALLY MAIMED from frustration and couldn’t bear to do it.  I won’t let that happen again.

Summer2016-2

Otherwise it’s been a weekend of children birthday party with today the first day I can do stuff.   I played a lot of Mount and Blade: Warbands and must say, that is an addicting game.  While I like the campaign and collecting guys, I really enjoy riding around with my massive meat cleaver — cleaving.    This is why I can’t get into FIRE AND SWORD because it has guns and you just can’t do that… cleaving …any more.   I took my first castle with my new guy today, so that’s progress.

I’ve got two more days left of vacation before it’s over (effectively due to a camping trip) so we’ll see what sort of painting I can get done.  It sorta sucks to be off when no one else is off, but them’s the breaks.

Otherwise I’ve been working on a design for a miniature focused RPG. Sounds insane? Maybe.   It’s something I’ll experiment with probably on Roll20 for a bit before posting about it more.  The core thing is it will strip down the stat line compared to all but the most OSR-based games and the fights will be unapologetically for many, many miniatures.